The Gift
by VaultGirl
Summary: As Joshua Graham pursues a new path with his life after the battle of Zion, he receives an unexpected visit from the courier of New Vegas with an unsettling delivery. Continuation of my other fanfic, A Fearful Symmetry. Six chapter, AU, dark themes, slight romance (FxCourier).
1. Chapter 1

_Fallout: New Vegas and its content are the property of Bethesda._

_Author's note: I decided to write this after all the positive feedback on my other Joshua Graham/fxCourier story. This is AU, takes place after the end of the game. Courier is generic (I won't describe how she looks for instance b/c everyone has their own version of her), but personality wise she is a person who has a dark side and struggles with who she is: the bad guy trying to be the good guy. Same courier from my first Joshua Graham one shot, A Fearful Symmetry. It includes some elements of that story here. Also, there are slight romantic elements going on here between Joshua and the courier, but I like to try to create strong personal moments between characters rather than writing citrus. There is no hook at the end of chapter one - it's just setting up the stage for what's going on with Joshua Graham.  
_

* * *

_Chapter One_

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The leader of the White Legs, broken and defeated, kneels as the man wrapped in ivory bandages towers over him. Joshua grips his auto pistol in his hand firmly as he determines what must happen next. He hears the ghostly cries of the fallen New Canaanites feeding the demon within him and he knows the man must die. But he hesitates...his heart fights the demon's will and before a victor can be declared, a shot rings out and Salt-Upon-Wounds collapses to the ground. Joshua turns to see who fired the shot, even though he already knows who did it. It's the woman from New Vegas...the courier. He looks at her as she stares at the dying White Legs leader. She doesn't look the same as she did before. Her face and body are covered with dirt; her eyes are white and lifeless and her temple is marred with two visible bullet wounds. She looks like she's dead and alive at the same time: a breathing corpse holding a pistol...a pistol he gave her. She glances over at him and asks, "Tell me, he who was baptized in water and in flame…is there light in the darkness now? Does your demon sleep?" Before he can reply, she aims the gun at him and says, "Or does it want to come out to play?" She fires the shot, and he jolts up from his slumber.

He looks around and sees he's not in Zion, but back in his room at the New Canaanite settlement. He is comforted that this was just a dream, but the battle with the White Legs ended nearly a year ago and this same dream had been haunting him for the last few weeks. He barely knew her, but they were tied together by purpose and by deed in those few days. He looks over at the nearby lamp as the flame flickers and dances against the darkness. He reflects on the night of the funeral pyre, on their conversation after the battle. She was there to test his demon, but it was more than that. She was troubled, reaching out to him to help guide her toward the light of the righteous path as she struggled against the consummation by her own dark demons. He had tried to help. "But was it enough," he asks himself.

Joshua had come to know peace since that battle as the voices of the fallen had finally become silent. After the slaughter of the White Legs in Zion, the Dead Horses returned to Dead Horse Point, and he returned to what was left of the New Canaanites. His new home wasn't caves, but old abandoned buildings brought back to life by it's new inhabitants that had hoped to settle in and make a new life after the fall of New Canaan. There weren't many of them left, but those that survived were resilient. Life was quiet here, although the new Canaanites continued to aid the local tribes. But this time Joshua made the decision to not get involved. He feared his presence was too influential amongst the tribes he worked with...that one day he would not be leading a tribe, but a growing army…an army the courier warned him about. Even the markings on the walls of Zion Canyon outside their old camp...a giant white drawing of his bandaged face with spiked teeth…showed he was no longer a man they respected but a man they feared. He was bordering along the lines of deity or devil, and upon his passing he would become like the Father to them.

But it was more than that. He owed it to his own people to help them rebuild. He had caused their fall. It was the least he could do.

Unable to return to sleep, he gets up and walks over to a nearby mirrored dresser that is laid out with several covered bowls of water, stimpaks, and fresh badges. He lays done several towels, slides off his clothing, and pulls a nearby chair up to the dresser. After taking a deep breath, he quickly unwraps the badges on his right thigh. After so long, his wounds had healed but his scarred skin still couldn't bare exposure to air or water for some reason. Water stung rather than soothed, but air was completely unbearable. The doctors hadn't been able to explain it. He shouldn't need the bandages now, but the pain without them was very much real. As soon as the air touches his skin, an unbearable, intense burning returns as if he's on fire again. He grits his teeth as he injects a stimpak, and the pain stops immediately as cooling waves radiate from the injection point. Being immune to the effects of most chems was hell, but he was most thankful stimpaks weren't on this list. It's the only thing that eases the burning besides the bandages. He pours water over his skin to cleanse it, then quickly wraps back up.

He does the same with his right calf then right foot, repeating the same slow segmented procedure on his entire left leg, then his torso and chest, and finally with his arms and hands, making sure to take long breaks between each bandage replacement so he isn't totally overcome by pain. He had done this a thousand times... and it never got any easier or less unpleasant. He pauses to look into the broken mirror of the dresser and stares uneasily at the bandaged man in it's reflection. He quickly takes the badges off his neck and face, injects a stimpak, and pours the remaining water over his head and face. He looks back into the mirror and the only thing he recognizes are the cold blue eyes staring back at him. Everyday he forces himself to look at that reflection, a reminder of his old life and sins. But today, it's for a different reason. He looks to see who he is now...to see his own humanity...the man beneath the gauze. Not the Burned Man...but just Joshua. He stares at himself for a brief moment, then lightly touches his lips with his bandaged fingertips as he says, "Why…did she..." He doesn't allow himself to finish the thought as the burning starts to set in once again. He grabs the badges and quickly wraps back up, then redresses as the new day begins.


	2. Chapter 2

_Fallout: New Vegas and its content are the property of Bethesda._

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_Chapter Two  
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Joshua is sitting in his room reading the good book as he waits for daybreak when suddenly the calm of early morning silence is broken with a loud knock at the front door of his home. He walks down the stairs and opens it without thought, half expecting it to be Daniel or another neighbor. He didn't expect to see her at his threshold. Not the courier.

He stood there for a moment in shock and silence. Her face is more gaunt than last time they met, and her eyes looked tired yet relieved at the same time. He was glad to see her again, but also leery of her presence. She says, "You're a hard man to find, Joshua. May I come in?" He steps back so she can enter, then shuts the door as she says, "It's good to see you again."

Joshua sits down and motions for her to take a seat across from him on a nearby sofa as he says, "Likewise, courier."

She takes a quick glance around the room as she sits, and says, "After Zion, I'd never imagine you living in a place like this. It almost doesn't suit you..."

Joshua takes a deep breathe in an attempt to force himself to relax, but he's too much on edge. He ignores her attempt at small talk and asks curtly, "How did you find me and why are you here?"

She looks hurt by his response, but forces a smile and says, "I'm a courier...it's part of the job. People are a chain of information. A quick visit to the Sorrows in Zion, and they told me where to find you. Not that they would have told me anything unless they knew me of course. I came..." She hesitates for a second as her eyes travel down his body to the auto pistol on his hip. She looks back in his eyes, and her face turns solemn as she says, "I came to tell you about Hoover dam."

He cautiously watches her as he replies, "Last time we spoke you said war was coming. I had hoped that would be avoided, but I'm taking it that's not the case."

"Yes, it came. But thankfully, it ended quickly. At most there were only a few days of fighting, but in that short time there were heavy Legion casualties. Lanius died in battle. But the NCR had heavy losses as well. In the end...Hoover dam no longer belongs to the NCR or the Legion."

Joshua feels less tense now. The news about the Legion was good to hear, and she can hear the relief in his voice as he asks, "New Vegas is free then?"

With trepidation, she frowns, "Not exactly. Mr. House had a hidden army of securitrons. They turned the tide of the battle. They fought alongside the NCR and decimated the Legion, but under his command they turned on the NCR at the very end. At that point, they lost the will to fight and retreated back to New California. Full control of New Vegas returned to him."

Joshua's relief fades as he shakes his head in disappointment. "Unifying tribes for his society...he's just another Caesar in the making. Given time, I'm convinced New Vegas would have done better under NCR control."

The courier takes an uneasy breath. He can hear the reluctance in her voice as she continues, "What it could have been and what it is are two different things. And what it has become is an increasingly complex situation I'm afraid... A few weeks ago I returned to New Vegas to find all the securitrons non-responsive. Civil war had broken out in Freeside between the chem addicts and the Kings. It was bad before, but I had never seen anything like this. Even Old Mormon Fort was under lock down. The Strip had been compromised and was at it's breaking point. Many chem addicts made it past the gates, but the casino families fought back. The streets were littered with bodies. When I finally made it into the Lucky 38, I learned that Mr. House's mainframe malfunctioned. He was dead. As I was grabbing my things to get the hell out of there...I realized after everything I had been through, I couldn't just leave. I knew there was only one person who could make a difference there...one who could stop the chaos and restore order. And that person was me. I had a modified securitron...one that was created to take control of New Vegas away from Mr. House in a failed scheme by one of his employees...I uploaded it's AI and assumed control. The securitrons came back to life, and restored order within a day."

He looks at her silently for several moments before saying flatly with a tone of disappointment in his voice, "I see. So…the person running New Vegas...is you."

"Yes."

Joshua gets up and opens the front door. He looks back at her and says coldly, "Then you should be there, not here. Good day, courier."

The courier looks confused and disappointed, but nods, acknowledging his wish for her to leave. She walks toward the door but stops to face him. Her expression is very serious as she steps toward him and says, "Look...I came a very long way to do more than just bring you news. My main reason for coming here is to bring you a delivery. But it's too dangerous to bring here directly or I would have."

Joshua feared this meeting would be more than just merely catching up, and he was right. He cautiously asks, "A delivery? From who?"

She smiles, "I'm no believer, but even I know a righteous deed when I see it. It fell into my possession but I know it belongs to you. I'd tell you what it is but it is unbelievable yet very much real...and you of all people need to see it."

He furrows his gauze covered brow as he considers her words. After a brief moment of silence, he asks "How far away is it?"

The courier says, "Not far...just a few miles outside your settlement here. We can get there in less than an hour."

Joshua says, "I see," and stares at the courier quietly as he tries to make up his mind about going or not. She catches him glimpsing her firearm and says, "You think I'm here to kill you...that I'm trying to lure you away into some trap."

"No offense. You are a good neighbor, but the thought had crossed my mind. There are too many people who still want to see me dead."

She takes off her firearm and hands it to him, "I didn't come all this way to kill you, Joshua. There is no trap, but I understand the suspicions."

He takes her gun, and they stare at each other in silence. For a split second he sees her as he did in his dream, covered in dirt with eyes of white. He says in his mind, "I've had weeks of warning this was coming. God has sent his messenger to test my will again, and I can't ignore it. I don't fear death. And I should not fear what she has to show me because I know why she is here. To test the demon again...not to see if I'm in control, but to see if I will allow it to awaken again."

He walks past her and sits her firearm down on a nearby table. He turns back to her and sees she has her hand extended to him. She asks, "Will you come with me?"

Against his better judgement, he takes her hand and says, "_He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.**_ Yes, courier. I will come with you. God has sent his messenger and I am ready to receive his message."

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_**Psalm 23:3-4_


	3. Chapter 3

_Fallout: New Vegas and its content are the property of Bethesda._

* * *

_Chapter Three  
_

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The sun peaks out from a cloud heavy sky as the courier and the Burned man leave the the New Canaanite settlement and make their way into the solemn wilderness. The terrain is rocky like New Vegas, but richer with flora and fauna like Zion. The air is cool and calm, but saturated with nervousness and caution as they walk together in silence. Joshua tries to focus his attention on the storm clouds rumbling in the far distance, but he finds himself observing her more. His last encounter with her was complicated and dangerous, and he feared this meeting would be even more so. But after spending so much time alone in the recent months, meeting up with a kindred spirit, be it good or bad, was still refreshing. After a half an hour, he says, "You've changed."

She takes a quick glimpse at him briefly then returns her attention forward as she continues to walk. "What makes you say that," she asks.

"When we last spoke, you were looking for who you were. Now, you carry yourself like you know that answer." She stares forward for a brief moment before looking at him again and replying, "Sometimes life presents a pilgrimage for you to take that you want no part of. It leads to the bitter of truth of who you are. I had such a journey."

"And what did you discover?"

She reluctantly says, "History. I…learned of a thriving community born from the travels of one. As it became engulfed by war, I learned that person returned bearing a gift. They didn't know what it was...just a box bearing similar markings. But as they left, it came to life and opened...unleashing its fury upon them all. Within minutes it turned that thriving home into a lifeless realm, inhabited by two armies of undead soldiers trapped in an eternal war. If Hell ever existed on Earth, it would be there. I learned that I am responsible for all of it...that I am the deliverer of Pandora's box...that I am the mother of the Divide."

Joshua hears the hurt in her voice and mulls over her words silently for several moments before saying, "You are not responsible for the Divide, courier. That was the will of the Lord...you were only chosen to be His messenger."

She frowns, "Like the horns that brought down the walls of Jericho. It may have been God's will...but the horns got the credit for that fall. The same is true for the Divide...I may have been a simple courier, but I was still blamed for its destruction. But it doesn't matter...mistakes were made. What 's done is done." She checks her pip-boy briefly, then drops slowly to her knees. She unbuttons her shirt, taking it off and exposing her short, gray undershirt. She ties it around her waist then grabs a handful of dirt and starts rubbing it into her arms and abdomen, then her neck and face. Joshua breathes uneasily as he watches her transform even closer in appearance to the courier from his dream. She stands back up and sees Joshua is staring at her. He can hear the embarrassment in her voice as she stumbles over her words, "I, um...I normally travel alone, I forgot that you were...that I had company. I normally do this when I'm hot. The dirt is just an old courier trick to prevent sun burn. I, uh...we're almost there. We should go," as she quickly resumes walking.

After a few more minutes of silence, they approach a canyon wall with a ravine cut into the side. As they walk through the winding passage, they reach a cave entrance that is devoid of light. As they traverse the darkness using only the light of her pip-boy, she suddenly stops and says, "We're here. There is a deed for you up ahead. You'll understand it when you see it. I just want you to know that what ever happens past this point...I won't leave until this deed is complete." Before he can say anything, she grabs his hand gently and leads him around the darkened canyon passage until they reach open sky once again. The ravine has opened into an open area that is completely walled in and isolated from the canyon. Joshua walks ahead of her to see a boulder surrounded by logs and branches, as if stacked for a large campfire. In the center of it all is a man, chained to the boulder and with a hood over his head. When he sees a nearby can of fuel, he can barely breathe.

Joshua lets anger override his fear as he turns around to her and says, "You brought me all this way to see a prisoner!"

She stands in front of him to stop him from leaving. Their faces are inches apart as she says, "You should at least see who it is, Joshua!"

"No. The only type of person you would bring is someone from my old life. I was given a second chance and I've taken it! I finally found peace...killing is a chore I don't wish to engage in anymore."

The courier snarls as she shakes her head and she says, "So you've changed as well." Before he can react, she steps into him and grabs his auto pistol. As she steps back and aims, he remembers his dream and knocks the weapon out of her hand. Her face is filled with disbelief as he grabs her hands and pushes her against the canyon wall to restrain her. She yells, "I delivered the deed and you refused! I told you - I won't leave until this is done!"

"To kill me!"

"NO...to kill him!"

"..._Graham?_"

Joshua turns his head quickly toward the chained man who spoke his name, and he can barely breathe again. He hadn't heard that voice in years but he remembers the voice all too well. He never expected to hear it again, and can't believe that he just did. He feels a fire inside him ignite as he releases the courier, walks over quickly to the prisoner and yanks the hood off of his head. The man squints at the sky as Joshua glares down at him, his pulse racing as anger builds up inside of him. The chained man frowns as he grits his teeth and says angrily, "_After all this time, I KNEW you were still alive!"_

Joshua stares the man down as he growls,"And how are you not dead already…Caesar."


	4. Chapter 4

_Fallout: New Vegas and its content are the property of Bethesda._

* * *

_Chapter Four_

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Joshua looks back at the courier and says, "This can't be real! Edward would have died with the Legion!"

She stares Caesar down as she replies, "As Legion troops moved toward Hoover dam, I persuaded Mr. House to send a counterattack: a small unit of securitrons to the Fort with a few friends from the Brotherhood of Steel. I made a deal: eradication of the Legion at Fortification Hill and the body of its leader in exchange for Helios One. The camp would be mostly empty, all too easy for them to wipe out every remaining Legionary there, free the slaves they came across, and burn the rest to the ground. But what they accomplished I never believed would be possible...they captured Caesar and brought him back to me alive. I wanted to kill him...but I couldn't. I knew that righteous deed…belonged to you."

Joshua returns his attention to the chained man as Caesar yells, "_Fucking courier! I should have killed you the second you showed up at my feet...when you begged to serve me!"_

She yells angrily, "I never begged anything from YOU!"

"_You would have done anything for me to give you him…and you did. There is a word for a person like that._" He looks at Joshua and says, "_You should ask her about Benny...how she sold herself to get him, then what she did to him after that…and how she betrays all she serves. She destroyed what you and I spent years building. She's a liar and she's using you, Graham! Unlock these chains and let me watch as you kill her for me, and all will be forgiven."_

Joshua glares at him in disbelief as he says, "All…will be forgiven? You tried to kill me!"

"_You left me no choice! Our law is absolute! There were no exceptions for failure, and you knew that! If I had...that would have showed favoritism and sowed doubt. What we spent so long building would have crumbled! But after you were gone...it almost did anyways. What we did to you...that was my greatest mistake. Our soldiers feared no legate as they did you. I had to create a myth to inspire fear again and regain control. And from that Lanius was born. I have gone through so many legates with that same name...none of them came close to you though. You've always been the real deal, Graham. People will fear the Malpais Legate...the Burned Man...until the day you die. And even after that. But...what you had...the power of command...the taste of blood and the thrill of battle...it can all be yours again. We can rebuild what we started. All you have to do...is unchain me."_

Joshua is in disbelief of what he's hearing. He exclaims, "What makes you think I want that life again!"

Caesar smirks, "_Because you're not truly free. People fear you, Graham. They know who you are, what you've done. No amount of penance will change that! But with me...you can at least be who you know you are, instead of pretending to be something you're not: a man of peace._"

Joshua stares at Caesar for several moments before walking over to his auto pistol laying on the ground. He picks it up, then aims it at the courier and says, "Give me the key."

The courier's eyes are wide, and almost too shocked to speak. She shakes her head as she pleads, "Joshua...don't do this."

He says coldly, "Courier, don't make me ask twice."

She reluctantly reaches into her pocket, and tosses the keys over. He walks back to Caesar, kneels down and unlocks his chains. As Caesar stands up, he looks at the courier and laughs. "_I can't believe you actually thought you could best me by doing this. My soldiers are more obedient than my slaves! You're an idiot for thinking one of my own would ever try to harm me. Legion conditioning prevents that, even if they go astray. Now kill her, Legatus!"_

Joshua stares at the courier with his auto pistol aimed at her. He looks over at Caesar, and suddenly there is a flash of light and a loud crack that echoes around them. Joshua discharged his firearm into Caesar's right foot. As Caesar drops back to the ground, he cries out in pain and he cradles what's left of his lower appendage.

"You forget, Edward. *I* am the one who invented your Legion conditioning. And I am not one of your dogs like Lanius or Inculta!" Three more quick, loud flashes of light and more screams of pain follow: Joshua has shot Caesar's other foot and knees out. As Joshua raises his auto pistol again, Caesar raises his hands up and pleads for him to stop. "_Rejoice, O nations, with His people; For He will avenge the blood of His servants, And will render vengeance on His adversaries, And will atone for His land and His people.**_ You want mercy? I will grant you mercy...the same amount of mercy you showed the New Canaanites when you had them slaughtered!" Joshua grabs his right wrist, presses his auto pistol against Caesar's palm and pulls the trigger. As Caesar cries out again, Joshua grabs the other palm and fires again as he says calmly, "Today, I will kill you for burning me. I will kill you for sending assassin after assassin to murder me and never granting me peace. I will kill you for massacring a people who only showed me love. I will kill you for my Lord because he has finally granted me my revenge!"

Joshua grabs the nearby gas can and pours it over Caesar, and says,"And I will kill you because your own code demands it. I may have lost a battle, but you lost the entire Legion. Our law is absolute. There are no exceptions for failure." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter, then flicks the flame on. Caesar yells, "_You think you're so righteous! I've seen your atrocities! If there is a God, you'll never meet him. You're going to burn in hell with me!_"

Joshua looks at him and says, "Ave...true to Caesar," then throws the lighter at him. He walks back over to the courier as they both watch in silence as Caesar flails around screaming as he is engulfed in flame. His cries echo across the canyon for several moments as Joshua watches on with his cold blue eyes, then raises his auto pistol for the last time and finally silences the man's suffering.

They both watch as the flames grow and dance in front of them as Caesar finally lay dead and the rumbling dark clouds above move closer to them. After several minutes of silence, the courier says to him, "Legatus...that's how you knew I wasn't Legion before. Bad Latin..I called you legato."

He stares at the fire in a daze, as if disconnected from the world. He manages to reply, "It is a mistake made only by profligates...usually the last mistake they ever make."

She gives him a concerned look and says, "We should go before the storm comes." Joshua turns toward her, his auto pistol aimed at her again and says with madness in his voice, "No. The storm is already here. Caesar committed many crimes and he got what he deserved today, but for the first time in his life what he spoke was the truth. Like me not being a man of peace, and how I'll burn in hell with him. But most importantly…'_she's a liar and she's using you, Graham._' No, courier. You're not going anywhere until I get the answers that I need. "

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_**Deuteronomy 32:43_


	5. Chapter 5

_Fallout: New Vegas and its content are the property of Bethesda._

_Updated with grammar fixes_

_Author's notes: Thanks for the feedback! I'll post the final chapter soon (a day or two), I just need to fix the ending. The stuff about the gate entrance to the Strip in this chapter might be a little far fetched, but I'm fairly certain there was some level of redundancy going on with security._

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_Chapter Five_

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Joshua directs his auto pistol at the courier and says,_ "Honesty_ _guides good people; dishonesty destroys treacherous people.**_ It would be in your best interest to speak only the truth from here on in! You didn't do all this alone. Taking off your shirt and the dirt...it's a signal to someone. Who's watching us!"

She stands facing him quietly, giving him the same predatory stare that she gave Salt-Upon-Wounds in his final moments. When she doesn't answer, Joshua lifts his pistol higher, aiming it away from her torso and directing it toward her head as he says, "Don't make me do something today that I might regret."

The courier replies sharply, "I was baptized in gunpowder and buried alive. Of all people...do you really think *I* fear having a gun pointed at my head!"

He says angrily, "And do you really think that I don't know you well enough that the second I pull this trigger, that I'll die alongside you! This isn't a test to see who fears death the least. I need to know why you fear the truth more than dying! Why you would rather die today than be honest with me, courier? Who's watching us!"

She frowns, "You don't know him, but if you have to know...an ex-NCR sniper. He's the only person who would help me with this, no questions asked. He hates everything Legion after what they did to his wife. No shirt means I'm unarmed. The dirt tells him you're armed."

"And what's the signal to kill me."

She smiles, "Would you like me...to show you?"

He frowns under his bandage wrapped face as he says, "You and I were friends once. I had thought better of you…but I should have known you only came here to kill me!"

The courier pleads, "We're still friends, but you're the one pointing the gun here! My man topside came to watch the show and to make sure I walk out of here alive, nothing more."

"I don't believe that. I think you're in the business of closing Pandora's boxes now instead of opening them. We both know that killing Caesar doesn't close it...only killing BOTH men who founded the Legion will do that!"

She shakes her head, "If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead by now. The Malpais Legate founded the Legion with Caesar, but you've been a different man for a while now. Your actions reinforced that truth today. A legate would have let Caesar go. Or maybe even let him burn to death. You did the unspeakable to him, but in the end...there was mercy. You could have let him keep on burning, but you shot him to end his suffering. A legate would never show such weakness. But mercy is a strength to a man of God."

Joshua gives her a dead panned look and says, "Or maybe I shot him to make sure he stayed dead."

He sees the sadness in her eyes as she replies, "True. Or maybe all of this was a little too close to home for you and that's my fault. Maybe after living day after day in constant pain in a body that won't heal, of serving a God who loved you enough to let you live but won't let you forget what you've done...maybe deep down you wish someone back then had done the same for you. No, Joshua. This wasn't a test. It was just a gift...I stopped your demon by killing Salt-Upon-Wounds, but I later realized that by doing so I took away your chance at closure. This was an attempt to give you that chance back. Nothing more."

They continue to stare each other down as Joshua mulls over her words and his anger starts to wane. What she had spoke hit close to home for him. But there was one thing he couldn't shake off. He says, "No. I would like to believe your intentions, courier. But the lies..."

She says exasperatedly,"What lies!"

"You lied to me about Mr. House. You didn't find him dead. You killed him!"

The courier's mouth falls open in shock. He waits for her to speak, but no words come to defend against his accusation. He shakes his head as he says, "If you kept your story simple, I would have believed you. Except we were planning on destroying New Vegas after the dam fell. My Frumentarii spent months testing slaves against it's defenses, and I suspect I know more about them than most people including you. For instance, I know the gates to the Strip have unadvertised security controls: secondary auto-locks and the whole thing electrifies because every once in a while a chem addict gets lucky with a grenade and manages to destroy the gate securitrons. Even if the securitrons went offline, and by chance the entrance was unlocked by someone who didn't get electrocuted doing it...there is a back up alarm that would have notified the family casinos. It goes off, and everything goes into lock down. They are armed to the teeth and would have given my army quite a fight. But the vagrants of Freeside? They wouldn't have stood a chance. There wouldn't have been the level of chaos you described to me earlier. Also, I seriously doubt that Mr. House would have just let you send a counter attack to the Legion. I have a feeling you've been running the show for a while now. So tell me…why'd you do it."

She has a resigned look on her face as she says defeatedly, "This is a waste of time. Lies can be more plausible than the truth. Nobody believes that you kill a person like Mr. House for a reason other than control of New Vegas."

He replies, "Try me."

Her eyes glide downward toward the ground then back down the barrel of his auto pistol as she sighs, "Caesar...was telling the truth. I would have done anything to get my hands on the man who tried to kill me...even work for people I hated. I destroyed a bunker for Caesar in exchange for that man. When I killed Benny, I thought it would be everything I ever wanted...but his death was empty. Later on I realized Benny was just seizing an opportunity - if I never had that platinum chip, he would have never tried to kill me. The real person responsible for that was Mr. House. He's the one who put my life in danger. So...I took away what was most precious to him. Not New Vegas…but his immortality. It was never about power...just payback."

Joshua's anger has subsided as he stares at her silently for a few moments before saying, "You're right. Nobody would believe that." He holsters his weapon and says, "But I do."

The courier relaxes her stance and says sincerely, "Thank you...for believing me." He nods, and she waves one hand at the top of the canyon wall. A moment later a loud crack rings out in the distance. She looks up at the encroaching storm clouds as she takes an uneasy breath and says, "I just told my friend to leave. Caesar's dead, and I'm sure he's bored by now." She looks back at Joshua and asks, "You and I...we're good now?"

He stares at the burning corpse for a few moments, deep in thought as he replays the events of the day in his head. He thinks to himself, "I am in control, not the Malpais Legate. I let him out today with great regret... I can never do that again. I'll never find peace if I do...I'll never be the man I'm struggling to be if I do. Lord, I have received your message today...but why do I feel like I've missed something." He looks at the courier and can barely breathe as he is hit with a sudden realization: his test today hadn't even begun. He gives her a concerned look as he responds, "Yes, courier. We're good. Thank you."

She smiles and says, "I am glad you and I are in good standing." She looks back at the storm clouds and gazes at it briefly before saying, "I have to go. Stay safe, Joshua." She turns around and stares at the exit for a few moments, frozen and unable to move. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and forces herself to start walking. She takes a few steps forward then feels a hand on her shoulder. She immediately stops walking as he says, "Please wait. There is something I need to confess to you before you go."

* * *

_Proverbs 11:3, New Living Translation_


	6. Chapter 6

_Fallout: New Vegas and its content are the property of Bethesda._

_Author's note: Last chapter. Just wanted to say thanks for reading - this was intended to be a one shot but it grew bigger than intended. Might add another story to follow up this later if anyone is interested, but these take me a really long time to write (months). Forgot to add that my courier has amnesia, with her earliest memory being the night Benny shot her._

* * *

Chapter Six

* * *

The courier looks straight ahead facing the way out of the ravine with Joshua's hand grasping her shoulder from behind. She takes a deep breath to calm her nervousness as she replies, "Of all people, don't feel that you need to confess to me. We're on good terms and that means more to me than you know. But that storm is almost here, and that can't be good for you with your condition. We should leave..."

He replies, "I have spent many days in the rain during my time in Zion. It will only bring discomfort which is all too familiar to me. You're going back to the New Canaanite settlement then? I have to return your firearm."

She replies, "No. You keep it. I'm just going straight on until I hit the next town. I won't need it."

"I see...you're not going back to New Vegas?"

She looks down and shakes her head, "I'm never going back there. I never wanted to run the place. It would crumble and fall under my care. I can't have that on my conscious."

Joshua is troubled by her responses as his suspicions are slowly confirming, but he spent years in the Legion learning to hide one emotion with another...covering fear with confidence and strength. He squeezes her shoulder gently and says, "You don't know for certain that would happen."

She turns around to face him, looks into his eyes solemnly and says, "But it's already started."

Joshua gives her a confused look and asks, "What do you mean?"

She furrows her brow and replies, "Giving Helios One to the Brotherhood was a fatal mistake. The whole facility...it's a giant weapon. Their high elder is a man of peace so I didn't see them doing anything other than acting as custodians for a while, but his successor...he's ambitious and hot headed. They've begun reinforcing their position, and in a few years they'll be a major faction in the area. As time goes on they'll need more resources, more power especially with how they have their power plant configured...they'll eventually turn their eye to the dam. By then New Vegas would most likely be run by someone less prone to diplomatic solutions, especially when the casino families finally add one and one together and come to the conclusion to kill me for control. But it won't matter...by then, the Brotherhood would have the man power to take it if they wished. History will repeat itself and war will return to New Vegas...all because of me. But there is a way to prevent all of that from happening. All I have to do is give the Brotherhood control over the dam and the city now...and I did. I left it in their care before heading here."

Joshua looks at her silently for a few moments before stepping toward her and saying, "I'm not convinced giving New Vegas away was the best thing for them...or you. I think the city would have done far better with you than what you give yourself credit for."

She smiles and says, "I don't agree, but what's done is done...and I'm ok with that. But thank you."

He nods and says, "Then I guess this is good bye." He extends his hand and they shake. As She releases her grip, he continues to hold on as if he doesn't want to let go. He says softly, "I know the real reason why you're here."

She smiles, but swallows nervously and says, "What reason is that?"

Joshua's voice is solemn as he says,"Your demon finally won. You've either lost the will to fight it or just don't know how too anymore. Either way, you're here to end it the only way you know how to...permanently."

Her face goes blank as her smile fades away. She stumbles over her words as she asks, "Wh...why do you think that?"

He continues to hold her hand as he answers, "The Legion counterattack, giving New Vegas to the Brotherhood, bringing me Caesar...I believe you've been making atonement and tying up lose ends. Today I've pinned you against a wall and pointed a gun at you twice, once directly at your head. If your friend was really here to make sure you're safe, I'd be laying dead on the ground right now. I believe your wave didn't tell him to go...it was a signal that I knew of his presence. I believe he's still sitting up there. I believe the second you try to step out of here, your friend is going to place a round straight through your skull and you won't come back this time...not because he wants you dead, but because you told him to do it. That's the real reason why he was the only one who would help you with this. I believe you were never planning on leaving this place alive. That's why you've been in a hurry to leave...not because of the storm...but because you want to get it over with."

Her face pales as the life in her eyes fades away as she stares back at him. She says calmly, "This isn't suicide, Joshua...this is about rebirth. Benny shot me and tried to take my life, and in a way he succeeded. Every morning since that day I woke up with the hope that that would be the day when I finally regained my memories and I would finally be whole again. But as days turned to months then years...all I've gotten are a handful of second-hand nightmares of my past actions. I've finally accepted that day is never coming...absolution is never coming. Today I came to be baptized by gunpowder and dirt again...to see if the same luck that saved me before would save me again. If there is a god, I am going to let him choose whether I live or die today. One path will give me death but the answers I seek, the other life and I'll forget everything all over again. Either way the dice fall today, I win. And I never play to lose."

"No, courier. What you're doing is a death sentence. If by some small chance you do happen to survive, you'll only repeat history. Maybe forgetting your past wasn't a punishment, but a gift."

The courier is disturbingly calm as she says, "You're a good friend, Joshua. And you're probably right. But my mind is made up and there is nothing to discuss. I can't live like this anymore. No family, no history...only the guilt of what I've done...of what I might inadvertently do in the future. Yes, I have grown tired of fighting my demon. I am tired of being hunted by the monsters I've created. I just want peace. I feel I've earned that right."

Joshua shakes his head and says, "After everything you've done for the Sorrows, you always have family with them and with me. Today is not your time. Your work is not done here. You said you recognized a righteous deed even as a non-believer, so you let me show you your righteous path as well. What you said earlier was wrong. The sound of the horns didn't bring down the walls - a mighty cry did. It was a righteous plan to capture Jericho...one delivered from the Lord unto Joshua. The Lord had you deliver Caesar to me today, but I don't believe that is the gift He had in mind. He was delivering me my horn. He was delivering...you."

Her face becomes flustered with disbelief as she gasps, "What?"

"I saw you in my dreams. You were some place between alive and dead. I thought you came here to kill me. But now I know the Lord was telling me that you're at a crossroads again. Last time we talked you needed guidance, and I understand now that I failed you. This is my last chance to help. You need a direction, an opportunity and I have one…help me rebuild the New Canaanites."

She pulls her hand away from him and says furiously, "What? Haven't you been listening? I caused the Divide!"

"I did hear you. You took nothing and turned it into a thriving community. God's plan caused the city to fall, not anything you did. You were simply his horn. The New Canaanites are a strong people, but they need our help to rebuild."

The courier shakes her head and says, "If you knew me, you wouldn't be asking me this."

"We've all done things we wish we hadn't..."

"No. If it wasn't for me, they wouldn't have to rebuild."

Joshua's eyes show his confusion as he asks, "Wha...what do you mean?"

Her bottom lip quivers as she confesses, "Caesar sent the order to destroy New Canaan. But the man who carried out that order was successful because he had been forged with the belief that one person could make history...or erase it. A lesson he learned from me. He was reborn in the Divide...my actions created him. He took his pain out on New Canaan...because of me."

Joshua's breathing becomes uneasy as the screams of the fallen New Canaanites fill his mind once again. He looks at her in silence as he fights to quiet the voices and to regain control. After a few brief moments, he pulls out his auto pistol. She stares at it in his hand, and gives him a resigned look as she knows what he must do next. But she is surprised when he turns the weapon around and extends it for her to take. He grits his teeth as he says, "If you are guilty of what happened to them, then so am I." He takes her hand and places the weapon in it, lifts up her arm with the weapon pointed at him, and steps in so the muzzle is pressed up against his chest where his heart is. Thunder echoes loudly above them as the sky darkens from the encroaching storm as the two stand together in their deadly embrace. He sees the turmoil in her face as she stares at his auto pistol, then back into his eyes. She snatches the weapon from his grasp, points it at her own head, and says, "I'm sorry..."

He pleads, "Wait! You don't have to fight your demon alone any longer. If the Lord had enough love to save me, then He has more than enough love to save you too. You just have to let Him in! Let His love save you today, courier. Let the love of the New Canaanites save you. Let...my love save you." A tear slides down the courier's face as she struggles in her mind. She looks at the burning corpse and says desperately, "If we do this...and we end up creating monsters? What then!"

He replies, "We will hunt them down and close Pandora's box...together."

"And what we did to Caesar...that can't be me. I can't end up like that. Can you promise that what we build won't turn on us?"

"No one can make that promise, courier. But I swear I would do everything in my power to prevent it."

As she gazes at him, he sees life slowly returning into her eyes as she holds her breath and says, "And if what we build falls because of me? What will you do?"

As he looks into her eyes, he remembers their night so long ago at the Three Marys cliff side. He remembers the kiss...and finally remembers the why of the situation and what she said. He says, echoing an answer to her own words from so long ago, "I would do the only thing I could do. I would forgive you."

As storm clouds rage above them, she tilts her face up toward the sky, and closes her eyes as large rain drops start hitting her face. She says, "I came to be reborn today...I see now the only person choosing gunpowder to do it...is me. Maybe this isn't rain...but the answer I've been seeking." She finally drops her gun hand from her head, hands the auto pistol back to him. As the rain washes the dirt away from her face, she says, "I will help the New Canaanites as you have asked." She looks at the top of the canyon wall for several moments then slowly shakes her head no. Two shots ring out in the distance, and she says, "He made me come up with a signal in case I changed my mind. I told him I didn't need one, but he made me give him one anyways. Maybe he knew you'd talk me out of it." Joshua puts his hand back on her shoulder and says, "Or maybe he knew in the end you would be strong enough to make the right decision. There is much work to be done, and your help will be appreciated again." She continues to stare at the top of the canyon wall as she places her hand on his and says, "Thank you, Joshua."

Joshua smiles under his bandages and for the first time is hopeful for the future of the New Canaanites. He watches the flames of the fire fight a losing battle with the rain as heavy water droplets soak through his clothes and bandages. He was prepared for the pain, but for once the persistent burning sensation in his skin has stopped. He pushes back the wrappings on his hand. As soon as air hits his skin, he expected the burning to return but it never does. He pulls off the layers of gauze from his arms and head, closes his eyes and tilts his face toward the sky and sighs in relief as the cool rain drops roll over his skin. Finally, after so long…the burning has ended.

As he faces the sky, he feels the affectionate touch of human flesh against his own for the first time in years as she takes his hand. He hears her whisper to him, "Are you ok?" He looks at her expecting to see an ill reaction to his scarred face, but all he sees is her concern as she looks upon him for the first time without the gauze. He replies, "I'm...fine."

She says, "Before we take this path, you and I need to make a pact, a covenant, whatever you want to call it. We both know today was not our best moment. But what happened here should stay here when we leave. We shouldn't breathe life back into the events of this day by speaking of them again."

He looks at the blood soaked patches of red dirt and charred body of Edward Sallow for the last time and says, "I agree." He turns back toward her, and is surprised when she leans in and kisses him softly on the lips. He pushes her back gently and says, "Don't. I'm flattered, really. But don't do this."

She looks into his eyes and says, "Is this the part where I'm supposed to pretend that you don't care for me and I don't care for you, Joshua? Because I thought that part starts when we leave this place, when you step into that lonely role as leader of the New Canaanites. That community I 'built' flourished from trade routes I established, the same type that I will build again and lead right to your settlement. There are going to be endless months where we won't see each other, but you already know that. That's going to make things easier for you, right? Time heals all matters of the heart, and what you feel for me is just a liability. Because I'm not supposed to know your old enemies will try to hurt you through me if they ever find you, although my enemies will do the same. I know you and I won't work even if we tried. But if something happens to one of us...wouldn't one affectionate moment between us be better than none at all?"

She holds her breath as she waits for him to say something, but he doesn't reply. She looks down, smiles and says, "I understand." She takes a step back, but he grabs her arm and gently pulls her back to him. He slides the back of his hand down the side of her face softly, then leans in and kisses her deeply. When the kiss ends, he brushes her hair to the side as his blue eye gaze into hers and says, "I've lived in a world of pain for so long now that once the hurt finally stops, you never want it to return. But what you were going to do today...it wouldn't have just killed you, it would have killed my heart. If you ever have doubts in your mind and I'm not there for you...always choose life. I mean that." She nods then says, "I will do this for you," then lays her head on his chest as he wraps his arms around her. They embrace for a few moments, then he reluctantly whispers, "We should go." She steps back and he watches as her smile face goes emotionless and straight, as if she was putting on a mask. "Business as usual and a couriers work is never done," she sighs as looks at the map on her pip-boy briefly and flips the radio on. She says as they start walking out, "We go back to your place, I get my firearm back and we can discuss the best way to proceed. If you have maps of the local area, I'm going to need them. Sound like a good starting point to you?"

Joshua looks up at the sky one last time and smiles. "Yes, courier. That does sound good." He watches her as she enters the darkened ravine entrance lit only by the soft light of her pip-boy, and says to himself as he follows her, "There is great comfort in knowing that there is light in the darkness."

* * *

_Author's note: I just wanted to say that Joshua wasn't miraculously healed. First chapter his wounds were already healed but he still felt the burning which doctors couldn't explain. This burning was more psychological - he never forgave himself for what happened to New Canaan. Once he had a way to help them is when the burning stopped. I tried to mirror this in the fire used to burn Caesar and the remnants of his old life. As the flames waned, so did Joshua's pain and he could finally move on. The rain represents the water of baptism, as if God is directly baptizing both Joshua and the courier._


End file.
